dreams

Lately I can't stop thinking about all of the dreams I have. I'm guessing it was the "changing of the age" (as my friend Christian puts it) that I just experienced last month when I turned 32. Yes, 32.

We all have dreams. Some are attainable, some seem as though they would never be possible.

Growing up I dreamed of being a lot of things, one of which was a model.  When I was Three Rivers Queen in high school, the pagaent world only fueled that desire. Alas, that obviously never happened...being 5'7 would never get me there. Apparently the dream wasn't too important or I would've have moved away to reach for that dream. I remember doing some modeling photography sessions, one with Paul Starr, the original owner of Starr Photography and a different session with a "model search companies" that had come to the area. That was one of those scams that you hear about. Gave them a lot of money to take pictures and they said they would send those to agencies and such but I'm pretty sure they just told you all the stuff you wanted to hear but anyway, it was still pretty fun for me.

I also dreamed of being a Rockette. (Again, not a lot of heighth on my side for that one.) I think they always seemed so fancy and classic. I have been known, at times, for my kicking ability and I always thought watching the Rockettes kickline was awesome.  I wasn't allowed to be a Honeybee when I was in high school.  I think the Honeybees at East Fairmont have always been similar to the Rockettes. They do a fantastic kickline at the football games. Again, I never wanted to move away and I never had the completely build to be these people... not just tall, pretty darn skinny, too.

I dreamed of being a back-up dancer for some cool artist like Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Janet Jackson, or even a Fly Girl (that might date you or me a little). It's funny I can watch a video or a performance and I always notice the back-up dancers more than most people probably. I think they don't get noticed as often as they should. They probably put in a lot of hours and hardwork. I think build was never my issue for not following this dream. If anything I could hang with the back-up dancers. Big booty, thighs and smaller waists - I'm good in those arenas. (You've seen some of those girls, right?) Well, again I didn't desire to move away. I always thought I would do good living in a big city somewhere but just didn't have the guts to go.  I love to dance. I always have. I started dancing when I was three years old, stopped a few times and always came back. If you have ever noticed I don't tend to sit still well, I'm constantly fidgeting. Well, I always feel like when I'm dancing, my body is at rest. Doesn't seem to make sense, does it? I bet it would to fellow dancers. Anyway, I guess this is why I still dance at the age of 32.  By the way, we have a dance recital tomorrow. My favorite time of the year. I love being on stage and I absolutely love performing.

I dreamed of being a mom. While growing up, I always "mothered" everyone. I mothered my baby dolls. When my sister was born, I joyed in taking care of her and making her do things that I wanted her to do. And having three brothers to boss around worked well in my favor. Sometimes this dream still haunts me because I think if I dreamed of being a mom and always felt like I was made to be a mother how come I'm not better at it. (My friend Lorrie would probably say "by who's standards. Who are you comaring yourself to?") Some day I figure I will feel more confident in my parenting abilities...not sure when...but I think I will.

I dreamed of being a physical therapist but realized, in good timing, that sometimes anything in the medical (kind of?) profession can be depressing at times. I couldn't handle that. At some point in college, I thought I would be a cool broadcaster on tv on day so I went into journalism school. I later figured out that many reporters are broke and decided to try another route. Design seemed to spark a new joy in me. That's when I taught myself to be a graphic designer after one class in college.

Now some of my dreams are on a completely different scale. I dream of opening some cool art center for kids (well, adults too.) I dream of making WVU licensed products...t-shirts, stationary, etc. I dream of having some cool thing I make. (Ever visited etsy.com? There are some really neat people on there who make and sell some really awesome things. )

Lately, I have been talking to God a lot about finding my passion. I believe he might be showing me that it's right under my nose.  I always image following my passions would mean doing some grandiose thing like starting a center for trouble teens or something crazy like that. I think God might be showing me otherwise. I'm still not sure what that is but I'm waiting around until he lets me in on the secret.

By the way, when my kids read this post when they are older, they are going to move away to pursue their dreams aren't they? :(