Sometimes the In Between Causes Confusion

Sometimes good things come to an end.  A good book, a good movie, even friendships.  For me and Stacey it’s our marriage. I know for  some of our blog readers this might come as a shock and devastating  blow—know  this though: It has been a long uphill battle with many emotions and tough decisions—lots of prayer and support, questions and tears.  And after all this time honestly I am still not sure why.  I mean, I know the reason why, but really what’s the reason?

God had a great plan.  He made a love story.  His plan was the best plan, but  things happen, people change.  The reality is this:  God wins.  The devil loses.  It’s all pretty simple.  The story is already written.  It’s the in between that causes confusion.   

We are going to be okay.  I know that.  I know my relationship with God has never been better.  I know we’ve both made mistakes, but the cool part: God knows it all and he is still here with us.  He is still a part of me--and part of Stacey, too.

I wish I understood what happened. Maybe I never will.  I have some theories and things I am choosing to believe in order to help me heal, cope and forgive. I know I never saw my life heading in this direction—not our marriage—not our life—probably because it wasn’t the plan. Not God’s plan. Not our plan.  During this time I was reminded by a friend about a scene in the movie Lord of the Rings... where Frodo is lamenting that the burden of the ring has fallen on him.  “I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.  "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”  I hope I handled my time and my decisions in the best way that I could.   

Don’t worry about me.  All I ask is that you just pray.  Pray for Drea and Charlotte.  Pray for me.  Pray for our friends.  Pray for our families.  Pray for Stacey.  It will be different and it isn’t going to look like some think it should.  Like I said, God had a great plan.  Even after all we’ve been through I fully trust that God is in control and He created our stories. I am confident he will restore and bring healing to all this brokenness. And certainly this was never part of my plan—and didn’t end the way I had hoped—but my faith in a good God remains.

The Queen of Silliness

Charlotte cracks me up.  She is always doing something that makes us laugh.  Sometimes the stories and the things she does, don't translate well into a blog post.  Sometimes I forget.  However, rarely a day goes by that she doesn't do something that makes me laugh.  Charlotte can be sweet and caring,  loving and kind, but there are times she does stuff that quite honestly I don't imagine girls doing.  For example, tonight she was getting a bath and all of a sudden, she starts blowing snot rockets.  Really?

Look at that face...that is not innocence

The other night I was reading the girls books and Charlotte says to me, "Daddy, smell my fingers."  So I do.  Big mistake.  I say, "Char, eww, what was that?"  She giggles, and says, "I put my fingers in my butt!"  What three year old girl does that?  The next morning, as we are driving to school, Charlotte says, "Daddy, remember when you said I could poop on Drea."  Seriously, I never said that.

Another thing she does is she asks, "Do you want to fight?" Then she hits me, and sometimes she gets me when I am not prepared.  She also makes this mean face when she does it, too.  I wish I could get a picture of it, because it is pretty funny.

One last thing she has been doing lately is blowing raspberries.  In case you don't know what that is, it is when you stick out your tongue and basically spit on someone.  The thing about all of these things is she seems to do them at a time when a good laugh is needed.  Of course, sometimes you want to be mad at her, but she is just to much.  And like every good comedian, if you laugh she just wants to make you laugh more.  She is the queen of silliness.  I am sure, I will be getting called to the principal's office. 

Randon Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinions

• I hate folding laundry...towels are okay, but the rest of it sucks.

• I love college football...this is my favorite time of year.  It is even better that WVU is ranked so high and has high expectations.  I would watch college football over anything on television at any time. 

• I talked to Charlotte on the phone the other day and I was asking her a bunch of questions....anyway, she answered every question, by saying "Nah"....it made me think of my Grandfather.  He was never a big talker and would always answer with a "Nah".  It was pretty cool to hear Char answer that way and it made me chuckle.

• Recently I celebrated my 38th birthday and it was one of the best birthdays I could remember.  I know I'm old and that's probably why, but the best part of my birthday was Drea running up to me at school and screaming happy birthday.

• Beer is proof that God loves us.

• I watched the movie, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and I highly recommend it.  It was probably one of the most therapeutic movies I have ever watched.  There is a scene in which Sandra Bullock is talking to her son, Oscar.  He is mad that is father was killed during the attacks of 9/11.  He tells her that he wishes it was her that died and not his father.  She replies saying, she wish it was her too.  I clearly remember my mom saying the same thing after my father died.  It's tough being the one left behind.  More on this movie later.

• Who needs the Outback when you can make steak like this....

• ....and Yes I ate the whole thing.

• I think I have finally gotten over the whole Rich Rodriguez leaving WVU thing...sometimes things happen for a reason.  If he didn't leave we wouldn't have this guy...

• ....and with this guy we get this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=W43ZNRNr9PM#! We also would not have had this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MW63PcDPPZk.... that being said, I'm still rooting for Arizona to lose.

• I love completing a task, it doesn't matter what it is painting, cutting the grass, lesson plans, whatever....task completion is always a good thing.

• If I didn't live in WV I would definitely live in the Baltimore/DC area....or the beach. 

• I know I am a man and I am not supposed to cry, but nothing is better then a good cry.  I am not afraid to share my feelings or cry.  God made me that way, so why fight it.

• So there has been some debate as to whether I should keep this look or not...

• ...of course I mean the beard not the stance...I don't know what that is about...my theory on the beard is this, if it is good enough for Jesus, Santa Claus, and the Mountaineer, it's good enough for me...plus Drea likes it.

• Back to the movie Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, like I said it was very therapeutic...there was a scene where the boy in the movie admits he didn't answer the phone when his Dad called to speak to him one last time.  It reminded me of my father's death. My sister Laura came to get me after my father had fallen from his heart attack and I failed to do anything.  I guess I didn't realize there was something I could do or had to do.  I don't know if I feel guilty or if I feel anything at all...it just seemed very familiar.

•  The movie, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close,  is about a family dealing with life after the 9/11 attacks on the NY trade center.  It also got me to thinking about that day.  I clearly remember that day.  Stacey and I, as well as, our friend Dave, sat in the Mountainlair and just watched.  You could have heard a pin drop in the Mountainlair that day.

• Finally, in another scene in the movie, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Oscar talks about making his Dad proud.  Isn't that what we all want and hope....to make our parents proud.  I hope that I do and continue too.