My Parents

I have been thinking about my Dad alot lately.  I am not quite sure why, but he has been in my thoughts more then usual.  Maybe it's because I saw the movie Courageous not to long ago.  If you didn't know or you haven't heard of this movie, it is about fatherhood.  I highly recommend it if you haven't seen and you are a father.  Or perhaps it was because I watched a movie called Due Date.  Now the movie itself isn't the best example or probably the most appropriate movie, but the back story in the movie is what got me to thinking about my father. 

I am pretty sure my father was the glue that kept our family together.  Not just within my immediate family, but the whole family.  I guess it is possible I just saw it that way because he was my Dad, but I don't think so.  After he passed away things never were quite the same in the family.  I am not saying they were bad, just not the same. 

My father could command a room.  He had such a presence.  He was a leader.  He had a sense of humor.  I am sure at some point I was embarrassed by him, but I think that happens with kids and parents.  I know I'm getting to the point where I have lived life longer without him, then with him, but I know he made a difference and impacted my life.

He was human and so of course he made mistakes.  He didn't always show us love with hugs and kisses, but I think that was the way fathers could be then.  I know how he felt about us though.  His way of showing how much he loved us was family vacations.  In other words time spent as a family together.  I think he took what God gave him and did the best that he could.  My Dad valued family.  I know that was important to him.  I think that is why the family never seemed the same after his death.

Probably the most important thing my father passed down to us was his faith.  For me, he made church cool.  He just had it.  Whatever it was.  I assume the Holy Spirit, but just something God put in him that made church better.  I believe church for him was about relationships.  Which to me explains why I go to the church I am currently attending.  My Dad knew everyone and everyone knew Dave was their friend.  That explains the outpouring of people at his funeral.  I know the type of man my father was.  He was faithful, loyal, kind, generous, caring, trustworthy, honorable, and strong, just to name a few.  Maybe it isn't fair and maybe it is just because of his passing away at such an earlier age, but my father will always be looked at in the highest regard.

I would be remiss if I didn't talk about my Mom.  To be honest with you, I felt bad for thinking all these things about my Dad.  I think I felt this way because for all my Dad was, my Mom is that much more.  You see she had to pick up the pieces after his death, and it was hard.  For example, we didn't own our home, so she had to find us a home.  This turn around was very quick.  My Dad died in March and if I am not mistaken we had to be out of the parsonage by June.  My Mom came up with a plan and if things came up she adjusted accordingly.  I remember her saying quite often, "We will cross that bridge when we come to it."  And she did.  Sure my Mom made mistakes, but we all do.  We all fall short, but she leaned on God and she made it better.  It wasn't always easy.  There are countless stories of her being let down by people she trusted or people who said they would do something to help and they didn't follow though.  She could have turn her back on God, but she didn't.  She turned to him.  I know who I call when I am wrestling with a God thing.  The thing is personal tragedies don't have to define you, but what you do with them does.  My Mom proved who God made her to be and I am proud of her.

Which brings me to how this post came about.  I got this email from the website All Pro Dad (this is linked to our blog if you want to check it out), regarding honoring your parents.  So I wanted to do that.  Maybe that is why I had been thinking about them or maybe not.  Either way I wanted to share those things about them and also the ten ways to honor your parents that All Pro Dad suggested. 

1.       Make your mom and dad look good: Simply be a good man. People will make the connection. What more could parents ask for?

2.       Let them know you understand what they have done for you: Play this one by ear, because some parents have a hard time with sentimentality. But a note here, a word of thanks dropped carefully there, a card, a phone call, a hug. Just make sure they get the information.  

3.       Listen to their stories: A) You might learn something B) The act of listening is going to affirm and encourage your parents C) You have provided the gift of presence.

4.       Tell them your stories: A surprising number of people with adult children don’t know much about what’s going on in their children’s lives. Get on the phone, take them out to dinner, visit for morning coffee on the way to work. Whatever it takes, stay connected.

5.       Be excited about their lives: Who cares if you don’t get the finer nuances of shuffleboard. So what if your dad’s work as an elementary school tutor fails to excite you. Do you really think they always looked forward to listening to you back in middle school band? Get on board and show some enthusiasm - about whatever it is they’re up to.

6.       Strengthen your marriage: No matter how things worked out for your parents, their hopes and dreams for you still boil down pretty much to one thing – they want to see you happy in a marriage that works.

7.       Love their grandchildren:  Honor your parents by loving your kids with the kind of love that doesn’t let go, never gives up, always teaches and directs.

8.       Don’t expect them to bail you out: If your parents are at all careful about money, then you already know it bothers them to no end to see unrestrained spending and mounting debt. So handle it already. And work hard to avoid dishonoring them by looking for a bailout. Like it or not, your debt reflects negatively on them.

9.       Pick up the tab once in a while: You may not get to keep it. But, believe us when we say this, it means the world to mom and dad when you at least try.

10.   Try not to run roughshod over their values: This is a work in progress – as are we all. Kids grow up to know their own minds about politics, acceptable language, where they stand on drinking, smoking, movie ratings standards, personal choices – all sorts of things that may have shifted since they left home. It’s Okay to disagree with Mom and Dad on a variety of issues – that’s not the point. The point is to honor our parents along the way.